Speak Now Or Forever Hold Your Peace

So for the past month life had been sort of getting back on track. My job was going well, my cousins were in town so I was having a great time with the family and it had been an overall smooth transition into the new year. 

And then, as though the universe suddenly woke up from its slumber after the shit-throwing festival that was the last half of 2011, it sent over another sack of shit, personally packed and all with the message "fool" written in large letters across it.

I never joke about shit

Now considering how ours is a mostly 'arranged marriage' culture, the fact that our parents let us watch a lot of Disney while we grew up results in an all out battle of the generations when it comes to the question of getting hitched. 

A week or so ago, my mother, who had given me a two month break from this whole marriage fiasco, had decided that enough was enough. She would do everything in her power to marry off her one daughter before her eggs dried up. But she knew she would have to be cautious about it considering that I was still very emotionally distraught after the recent break up. She would have to be sensitive, she would have to approach me with caution. "We have to go meet this guy and his family. You need to get married."

See. Caution.

Frankly, I did not have the energy to argue with my mother and explain to her how I wasn't quite ready yet because its a phrase her generation was clearly not taught as they were growing up. 

Anyway, I said sure and I think that really surprised my mom because she looked ready for a full-fledged melt down. So she bought me a chocolate chip cookie because I was such a good girl. 

Then I made the mistake of bothering to find out about this guy who my mom had picked out for me to spend the rest of my life with.

Here is how the conversation went

"What's his name?"

"Ali"

My eyes popped out. A boy named Ali? That is just so rare. No really. A Shia boy named Ali; how often does that happen?

"What does he do?"

"He's a chartered accountant"

*Blank Stare*

As an after thought "He makes a lot of money"

Now mom's have this ability to pick up on when their daughters aren't exactly impressed. Maybe its the rolling of the eyes, I don't really know.

"Shareef Khandaan hai"

That basically translates into "Family doesn't do drugs, drink, gamble, womanize, etc"

*Blank Stare*

"What more do you want?" Mom started getting defensive now. Notice how I'm silent? 

"You're not exactly the Princess of Wales!"

No argument there. 

"Ami, I said I'd meet him. What are you getting so worked up about?"

At this point my mom just stormed out of the room. 

Anyway, a couple of days later his aunt called and arranged a meeting at her house. 

A few hours before the meeting, I had a break down because well, it's the kind of thing girls do when they don't know what else to do. I called up my best friend for comfort and complained about how much this sucked and how this month was supposed to mean entirely something else and how much men sucked and how my parents hated me and wanted  me to suffer and never be happy and once all the frustration was out, I went to get dressed.

Now, we got to this aunts house and she was all nice and welcoming. We settled down, spoke about random stuff and then the guy showed up. One word. UNCOMFORTABLE.

He came and sat down and there was a few minutes of absolute silence. Then everyone started talking at once. I didn't want to be rude, but I mean, what do you say to a prospective guy you're meeting for the first time while everyone in the room is looking at you?

So I stared at my coffee cup and answered the questions I was asked.

But the best/worst part was when the guy and I were left on our own to get to know each other.

The poor guy looked even more out of place than I felt. 

The conversation with the usual "so what do you do?"

I always have trouble with this question. What do I do? Its just so vague. What do I do for a living? What do I do for fun? What do I do when I'm tired? What do I do if something wants to eat me? Which one is it?!

I work.

I read.

I watch t.v.

I exercise.

I sleep.

I write.

I eat.

I poop.

I mean, which one was the correct answer?

The guy was so nervous, he'd giggle in the middle of the conversation and it took every muscle of my body to tighten up so that I would not spit out my coffee.

And so it went on for another 20 minutes. Now, here's what he does. Or rather, doesn't do.

He does not read.

He does not play sports.

He does not watch television.

He does not listen to music.

He does not travel (except for work).

He hardly goes out with friends.

And that's alright. Maybe he's the perfect guy for some girl who doesn't do any of these things. To me, that is a big deal breaker. These are all of the things I want in someone who I would want to be with for the rest of my life. I know I'm coming off as a tad bit stuck up. Okay, maybe a great deal stuck up. I don't know. Frankly, I don't care. I can't be with a person who is okay with doing nothing except work. I don't know his circumstances too well to make a judgement, but I still did not feel any connection there or discover anything that might mean this could be a successful marriage.

You'd think, okay, you didn't like the guy. Move on.

Except my mother, to whom none of this made sense. We had our first fight over this today and thankfully, dad stayed out of it. To my mother, all that a person needs to be eligible is a degree, a good job and a good family background. I think its probably the same for a lot of Pakistani parents.To them its okay if the guy has zero personality because we'll be too busy shopping with his money and going to tea parties to spend much time with him anyway.
Obviously, we are. That's not even a question. However, I'd still like a guy with whom I can have heated political debates and discuss literature and discover the world. Maybe even make babies. Who knows? The world is full of surprises.
Either way, I think I'll sit here and wait for my Prince Charming, thank you very much.

Bu'shit Bu'shit Bu'shit!

When I was a student, maintaining discipline was a big deal. You had to sit quietly in the class while the teacher droned on, walk everywhere in a straight line, raise your hands if you wanted to ask questions. You couldn't even ask questions during the explanation of the lesson or it would break the momentum, all questions were asked at the end of the session.

Everything was done in a systematic manner and you know what, as much as we hated it, it was kind of necessary considering how out of control children can sometimes get.

Know what I mean?

When an outsider looks at it, they think it's a very hitleresque system. "Children should be allowed to express themselves; they should be allowed to speak their mind; don't make a fuss about everything; when you criticize them you stop them from realizing their true potential and where their skills lie"

Well you know what mommy and daddy? Bu'shit, bu'shit, bu'shit. 

You deal with your child at the end of the day, when almost all their energy has been drained and they seem like little angels as they walk around, zombie-like, nodding their heads at whatever you say to them. And again, you deal with mostly two, maybe three children at home. And you can easily send them to their rooms when they get on your nerves. I bet you don't even spend two straight hours with your children at home. Don't think your "go out and play" or "go take a nap" routines are fooling us. 

On the contrary, in school we deal with almost 27 students to a class from 8 am to 2 pm. And we don't know what you feed your child in the morning, but by the time they get to school they are noise loving, rule hating, book burning, education despising blood suckers.

Sparta?

They do not listen to a word we say till we are screaming it in their face; they do not understand the concept of good cop.

When we show them affection, its like asking them to spit in our faces. 

When we tell them to do something, they will do the exact opposite for no bloody reason at all. They are rebels without a cause.

They will almost never have the book open on the correct page.

They will request bathroom breaks in the middle of the most important discussions.

They want to take their sweaters off, then put them on and then take them off again; all in the span of bloody two minutes.

They refuse to understand simple things like raising their damn hands before voicing their obnoxious and almost always, useless, opinions.

They drag their feet when they walk as though they're carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders; usually they're only carrying their own stomachs which you keep fattening with massive amounts of junk food and coke.
Take from example this genius.

Focus on the chewed page of the book.

Now this little monster was bored in class and when we looked away for a few minutes, he had chewed up the page from his book. I know you're thinking....GNAAWWWWW...that's so darn cute. Yea, sure it was cute at that moment. Not so much when  he threw up in the class. 

Oh, and contrary to what the latest research might say, if we stop your kids from acting like monkeys on coke, it won't affect their future mastery at some useless skill. 

If we tell your kids to lift their feet and walk, it is simply because we don't necessarily enjoy listening to what every inch of the school floor sounds like against your child's feet. And no, we highly doubt that this might keep your child from becoming the country's greatest figure skater.
And I really don't believe that your child won't grow up to be an opera singer now because I didn't let him sing in class during the exam.
Oh and another thing, please, don't accuse me of killing the next Picasso in the making just because I punished your kid for colouring on the school tables. If you think he's got the talent, why don't you let him colour your $170 dining table? Huh? HUHHHH???
Okay, I realize I sound a bit insane at this point. But seriously, if you want a place where your kids can run around freely and do whatever the hell they want with absolutely no sense of accountability or manners, you should have left them at the zoo.
So the next time before you bitch and moan about the strict discipline in the school, how about you get your whiny butts in class and try looking after 27 little monsters for five straight hours.
Yea.
Thought so.

Arrest This Man

The problem, I believe, is that the men of this country are raised with absolutely no sense of responsibility or accountability. They go about causing absolute chaos in the world; saying what they want, doing whatever they like with such total lack of concern for everyone and everything around them that it disgusts me to no end. Their parents treat them like little gods, giving in to their every whim and letting them walk away from every mess they create without question, let alone having them clean it up. And I don't mean the mess in their room (although I strongly believe it starts from there!) 

They grow up with a feeling of total immunity because they are never held accountable for any wrong they do. And that is how they spend their entire life. They do what they want whenever they feel like it without any clue as to how their actions affect others. They just don't understand that things they do or say can hurt another human being. They throw their weight around thinking its their fucking birthright. 

It is so important for parents to raise their sons right. Get him to fucking pick up that wet towel and hang it up to dry. Make him clean up his damn room and pick up after himself. And what the hell is up with not making them do their own dirty dishes. My own brothers will just come at random times of the day or night, eat and then just leave the dishes in the sink, never bothering to wash them. And whose fault is it? They really expect that everything just miraculously gets done. If they do something wrong, hold them responsible. Make them realize that they screwed up and need to fix it or else. Otherwise they just go through life selfish and self absorbed, like little babies throwing tantrums when things don't go their way. They have no semblance of respect for other people and cannot cope when real life suddenly hits them in the fucking face. They cannot grasp why the whole world isn't doing their bidding. Suddenly, they have to work for the respect and love they once got without question. They can't figure out why people aren't willing to wait on them hand and foot regardless of the jackasses they are being. Heck, they don't even understand that they are being jackasses. They don't understand why people walk away, why relationships break down, why they lose their jobs, why their children alienate them; the list of why's is then endless. 

This destructive attitude that parents have really has to change. Loving your kid is one thing, but smothering them with it so that they know and expect no other kind of emotion is another. Everybody needs tough love. 

Because your love can protect them from a lot of things, but karma isn't one them.