Don't dream, when you can't make it real. They're only fictions anyway - Moddi, A Sense of Grey

Dance, when you're broken open. Dance, if you've torn the bandage off. Dance, in the middle of the fighting. Dance in your blood. Dance, when you're perfectly free - Rumi

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Dec 14, 2011

Live Free or Get Married

I could have a PhD in Astrophysics. 
I could be the country's most successful neurosurgeon.
I could become a medical malpractice lawyer or a maxillofacial surgeon. 
I could have been the CEO of one the world's most powerful organizations. 
I could be busy arbitrating peace in the Middle East as a UN Negotiator. 
I could be the first woman to discover life on another planet.
I could be the President of the country. 

Not a damn would be given, no sirree. 

None of this would really matter to my parents unless I was a boy.
Or married. 

When my younger brother was born, my grandmother told me that the first thing my mom asked, groggy from the drugs, was the sex of the baby. When she heard it was a boy, she groaned out a "thank God" and fell asleep.
I wonder what she thought when I was born. Probably something along the lines of "Oh shit! Oh well! Now we need to find her a boy."

I know it sounds harsh to have that view of my parents. I love my parents and I'm pretty sure they love me. I know they want me to be happy. Its just, our ideas of happiness are polar opposites at the moment.   
But I know now, after my last great showdown with my mother, that she and I will only find peace with each other when I tie the knot and then provide her with twenty grandchildren or so. 

Now how do I say this politely?

Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn. 

4 comments:

  1. Bravo! I applaud your stand on the matter and respect you all the more for it.

    I don't know - it can be tough to wrap one's mind around "right vs. wrong", but the fact of the matter at the end of the day is: You only have one life to live.
    You may regret something later on, and your elders may shove an, "I told you so!" in your face, but you're more likely to regret not making the choice to make a mistake.

    We progress through change. Will you listen to your own kids the way you wish your parents listened to you now? Who knows?

    Always listen to the words of your elders, and take their advice into consideration.
    But, the decisions you make in life will be yours and only yours to make.

    I have three younger sisters, and sometimes I stop to wonder what it must feel like to live in my shadow. Regardless, I wish them only the best and want to see them be able to surpass anything I may be able to do, but only time will tell.

    ahh, I apologize for the rant there...

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  2. Thanks Martin.
    Its not easy and its become an everyday battle now.
    I know what you're saying about listening to the elders, but a lot is different from what it was like in their generation.

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  3. Hahaha .. It was funny post you know :P

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  4. " When my younger brother was born, my grandmother told me that the first thing my mom asked, groggy from the drugs, was the sex of the baby. When she heard it was a boy, she groaned out a "thank God" and fell asleep.
    I wonder what she thought when I was born. Probably something along the lines of "Oh shit! Oh well! Now we need to find her a boy." "

    Ouch! I feel your pain. I understand where you're coming from, and I can imagine what you must be going through. More power to you!

    Although I'd share a Spanish saying;

    "Por que? Por que no?"

    It reads "Why? Why not?". What I'm getting at is, are there any specific reasons why you're resisting your parents' quest to get you married? Do you have any goals or milestones in life that you'd like to achieve before you settle down? I'm not saying "get married if you've got nothing better to do". Its just that, what I would do in your place is to sit down and chalk out my life goals for the next 10 years VERY realistically (not an easy task, trust me), let the list marinate for a week or so, and then make a new list. Now compare both lists. If they're more or less the same, then consolidate the two and hand it to your parents. Tell them I'll get married when I'm done with this list. If I decide to get married sooner, sure. But as far as you're concerned, this is when I'd tie the knot. See if that helps.

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