There is a certain numbness of the heart that follows. You don't want to remember and you certainly don't want to care. You can almost feel your brain cells working to distract you and you follow mechanically whatever it tells you to do. It is exhausting, mentally and physically. It's almost like a drug, intoxicating you so completely that you think nothing and you feel nothing. And somewhere in the deep recesses of your mind, you know you shouldn't ignore everything. It will never go away. It will wait, like the monsters in the cupboards of your childhood. And when it resurfaces, the damage will be worse.
You have to let everything play in your head, all that was said and all that was done. Every lie, every broken promise, every shattered dream, every word that made you feel worthless; all the anger and the resentment; you've got to face it and then you've got to let it go. You need to crash and burn so that you can rise from the ashes, pure as the day you came into this Godforsaken world.