Don't dream, when you can't make it real. They're only fictions anyway - Moddi, A Sense of Grey

Dance, when you're broken open. Dance, if you've torn the bandage off. Dance, in the middle of the fighting. Dance in your blood. Dance, when you're perfectly free - Rumi

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Nov 3, 2011

I'll Never Learn To Be Just Me

"This generation and its lack of seriousness towards marriage and commitment is scary," said an old acquaintance of mine recently.
You know what's really scary? This country and its bloody obsession with marriage. No matter what you do or whom you meet or what you watch on television, everything fucking boils down to marriage. My question is why are all these old mothers and aunts so bent upon every boy and girl tying the knot. Is there nothing more to life than two people getting together and building a family? I mean, I'm not anti - marriage, not at all. But life has to mean more than just this. God has to have had more purpose in creating us other than just having to play the role of match maker right?
Of course, as in everything else, girls get dealt a tougher hand. From the moment there is a daughter born in the house, all the parents can think of is getting her hitched. So much so that the girl always grows up feeling disconnected with her family; she's always being told that one day she will have to get married and start her own family. Then who the fuck are you? She grows up a stranger in her own house, nothing really belongs to her. 
What happened to raising a daughter with her own dreams and goals? Why can't parents teach daughters to grow up and achieve more in their lives than just cooking for her husband and popping out more babies than rabbits? What happened to teaching her to be so independent that she never has to see a man as just a person who provides her with a roof over her head? Why does marriage have to be the ultimate goal in her life? Sometimes, the only reason a girl is even educated is to improve her marriage prospects. I mean, why can't she be a doctor just for the sake of saving lives or an engineer just for the sake of creating amazing things? And that's another thing, a girl can either be a doctor or an engineer. What is she going to do with a business degree anyway? It's not like she'll actually be allowed to follow that path. Why can't she be an architect and build structures that would awe the world? Why can't she study to be a scientist or an astronaut? Or even a NASCAR driver if she wants? 
Of course she can't! Who will marry her then, if her mind is so full of ambitions? Bullshit I say. 
And sadly, this marriage pressure doesn't just apply to the fairer sex. Even the boys are sucked into this whirlpool. A boy must study and get a job so he can support his family. There is nothing else but that. Luckily, the boys can escape this torture for a few years longer than girls. Once a girl hits 27, something has to be wrong with her. Why else she not married? Maybe because there's more to her life than just being Mrs. So and So. 
And you know whats tragic? That this type of mindset ingrained into our brains from generation to generation has created this severe fear of dying alone in everyone. We are taught that we cannot survive in this world unless we are married. Even if the marriage is a total sham, even if there is no connection, physical or emotional, between the husband and wife, it is better than being alone. And I'm embarrassed to admit that I'm not beyond this trap. Many a times I have been sucked into this hole myself and I'm not proud of it.
So this blog goes out as a message to all the women and men fooled into believing that marriage is the be all and end all. Have dreams and aspirations, aim to be more than just a husband and a wife. Achieve more, want more. This country needs its youth to be enterprising and industrious; we need great teachers, writers and artists; we need zealous doctors and resourceful businesspersons; we need honest politicians. 
What we don't need is a million more married couples having thousands of children raised with no other purpose than to look for their better half. 
And get married when you are good and ready. Don't get married because the world is telling you that its the right thing to do. Don't get married just for the heck of it, because trust me, that is not all there is in this world. Don't get married because you feel that you can never support yourself if you don't. Because that is just not true.
And when you do get married,do it with a person who will support you in your dreams and help you pursue your passions. Be more than just a husband or a wife; be a successful individual in your own right.


  1. "...Then who the fuck are you? She grows up a stranger in her own house, nothing really belongs to her..."

    I love you for this entry and will share it on my facebook.